Conversations About Life, VIII

One might think that all the “nakedness”, openness and vulnerability expressed between “P” and myself in the last conversation would generate some fear and running away, but not “P”!  This is how she responded:


Deep calls to deep!

Before I read your last letter I had a HUGE “aha!” moment exactly about the deep heart thing!

Then I read your letter!  I was ready to hear it then.

Don’t you think timing is HUGE in God’s kingdom?!

I realized that God is really, really in me!  Closer than I am to myself.

I have pondered over and over the “who am I” concept.

I mean, I have let things outside of me define who I am.  That totally becomes all consuming idols!

The Lord has over and over torn me down only for me to rebuild with wood, hay and stubble.  Then in His all knowing goodness does it again until I am nothing.

I am nothing. I AM nothing.

At that moment I become something.

I become Him himself.

That deep deep place is and has been there all the time.  I just needed for Him to clear the way so there would be more room!

It is a divine act to feel and be nothing.

I thought something was really, really wrong with me because I have no sense of self (personality?) but that is a GOOD thing!!  I desire to be so consumed by the Holy Spirit that every cell reeks of Jesus!

Wow, I can see where your experience has lead you.

Kind of crazy but His Kingdom is not of this world.

Stay tuned!

Love, P

PS. {My spouse} and I have just connected with a new church that is redefining itself and capturing the wonder and awe of Christ dwelling in us.  They are very retro and into a small group of like minded believers.   They live a TRUE community life!  Our oldest child is involved and introduced us to them.  Talking about how the first born leads the way(!)

To that I responded:


You are right. Deep does call to deep.

Actually, I have been asking Father to bring people into my life who could/would go deep.

Most seem too busy being right and righteous or just plain busy or don’t appreciate Father/Yeshua as Creator/Lover/Life. So you are an answer to prayer.

The Eastern mind actually has it almost right when they talk about losing oneself in the Oneness.

Unfortunately they seem to mean that you become literally nothing.

This is also the biggest problem I have with the wording that the church uses, and which I hear you repeating.

The concept of becoming “nothing” in the way you describe is OK, but the implications are deadening.

I grew up thinking to be spiritual was to be “nothing” and for me that meant I couldn’t make any money or be successful as a physician or anything else, for that matter.

Maybe it is all my screwed up perception.

However, as I begin to read Father’s heart more, the idea of becoming saturated, totally and completely, with Yeshua and His Light and Life became for me a much better way to express the concept than to say I am “nothing”.

He has made us special and unique, never to be repeated but never to be annihilated, either.

He does not want us “nothing” but “something” that looks and acts JUST LIKE Yeshua, the first of many brethren.

This is a paradox, but as I grow into my real self I become more me but really more Yeshua.

It’s like the old 33 rpm records. The record didn’t change as it got closer to center, it just got quieter to the point of not moving, still, at one with the center.

We must move in closer to center, to Father, to intimacy.

Stated in an analogy that at first seems offensive, though is exactly the picture, Father wants to make love to, to have “sex” with us.

It is in that place of oneness that we lose ourselves and become one with another.

I am of course not speaking simply physically; that is a mere picture of what the real experience is supposed to be. (Of course, it was a physical experience for Mary and the result was the Savior! Interesting, isn’t it?)

And here is a parting shot – maybe this is why Father wants us to live naked – it’s easier for him to get intimate with us!


That gets pretty wild and bold, doesn’t it?  Stay tuned to see where this thought goes….

Until next time,

Be Yourself, Be the Renegade, Think outside the box.

Dr Jon
Renegade Doc

2 Responses to “Conversations About Life, VIII”

  1. Some good for thought here Dr.Jon and P.Your comments make me think about how I see things and myself.annihilation does sound like spirtual deadness but nothingness or emptiness in the eastern sense is entirely different and not to be confused with annihilation.

  2. Yes, Dave, please do not confuse annihilation with deadness.

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